Parents, kids... and the usual off-track ramblings

Tatsuya is a Japanese colleague who has joined the lab recently. He has a 3-4 year old daughter who's started kindergarten since early September. But she isn't quite enjoying it and has been crying every morning before going to kindergarten. Tatsuya thinks this is because she doesn't speak any German yet (neither do Tatsuya and his wife) and so can't communicate, make friends and play with the other toddlers. He had been telling me that if she continues disliking it, they see if they could move her to the kindergarten opposite the institute so what he can visit her once in a while.

I desisted from saying anything to Tatsuya, but I think children learn a new language incredibly fast. I know that from my own experience as a kid. When we moved to Bhubaneswar, I was 4.5 years and my brother 3 years. We were fluent in Oriya in a few months... so fluent that other local people used to be surprised to learn that our mother tongue was not Oriya. On the other hand my parents took a long time to learn Oriya. My father had lived in Bhubaneswar before he got married, so he'd had a longer time to learn, but I doubt my mother ever really became completely fluent even by the time we moved back from Bhubaneswar 3.5 years later. However, my brother and I forgot the language within six months of moving from there, while both my parents would be able to hold proper conversations in Oriya even now. For the first time since leaving Bhubaneswar in 1982, I visited Orissa (Bhubaneswar and Konark) again during my India-visit in Jan-Feb 2003 (the time I came out to my parents). I could understand a bit, but then that could be because the language is a bit similar to Bengali, but I couldn't speak much of it. As an adult I know I am bad at languages... mein Deutsch ist noch schlecht (my German is still terrible), although I find myself picking up bits and pieces of quite a few languages.
Children also make friends very fast, very likely because of the lack of inhibitions. Again I can quote from my own experiences as a kid.

Anyways, to get back to Tatsuya's story. Last friday when I asked, he said that his other Japanese friends in Vienna have told him that crying before going to kindergarten is quite common, and happened to all their kids. But as I'd have thought, it doesn't last for long. His wife had gone to the kindergarten and stayed the whole time on Friday, on Monday (yesterday) only for an hour or two and not at all today.
That seems to be working, and although she was she was not very happy about going to the kindergarten, she didn't cry.

One of Tatsuya's comments on this matter really struck me, and is the main reason for this posting. He said he is no longer worried about his daughter going to the kindergarten, he knows very well that she'll be fine. But what he can't bear to see is her being unhappy and crying.

Parenthood is so beautiful.
Would there be anything more tender than this state?

Read More...

Summary only...

"The Greatest Surprise"

In the greatest of Indian epics, the Mahabharata, there is an episode where Yudhishthira, has to answer philosophical riddles of a Yaksha. One of these questions (that my father likes to quote) was [I really should know this shloka in Sanskrit, but unfortunately I don't]:

"What is the greatest suprise?"

"People die everyday making us aware that men are mortal, yet we live, work, play, plan etc as if assuming we are immortal. Kimashcharyam Atahh Parahh? What is more surprising than that?"

This came to my mind on Saturday evening in an "encounter" with the unexpectedness and inevitability of death.

I had met Fahad in a CouchSurfing mega-get-together a little more than a month ago. Fahad is software guy from Rawalpindi, Pakistan, and has to spend a couple of months in Vienna for work. We got along very well, and had planned to meet up, but for various reasons (including his visiting Pakistan for two weeks), it never happened until yesterday. He had called around noon and since the weather was quite wonderful, and he'd not seen the Belvedere and the Karlskirche, we decided that I'd show him these sights. We met around 1pm and wandered around and had lunch and chatted about all kinds of things until around 5pm, when I left because I had to go to the lab. We had spent a really nice time together.

We were to meet again around 7:30pm with some other acquaintences from CS at the Rathausplatz. I was delayed, and I arrived only around 8:30 or 9:00pm. Fahad wasn't there, and I was told that he had suddenly received a phonecall informing him that his father had passed away.

It must have been really sudden. We had talked about his father and his family in general during the afternoon, his closeness to his family and how he was missing them. I am sure that this was completely unexpected.

I texted him and he said he was trying to find a flight to Pakistan. I should have called today, but I forgot. I hope he has found something and is already on his way back.

Read More...

Summary only...

Coming Out III: to my parents

This is the third part of a three-part article. Check out the first and second parts.

My parents are not perfect-- I doubt anybody would say their parents were perfect. There is always something missing, there are grudges, things they could have done better. Hindsight is so useful. Because of several other things that I won't get into, and probably because of my being different, being gay, I have never been particularly close to my parents. However there are numerous aspects about them and particularly aspects about the way they brought us up, that I really like and admire, and that I'd unhesitatingly emulate if I ever fulfil my dream of adopting a child. One of these is the way they (particularly my father) encouraged us to think independently.
I remember, as a child of around 10, I had saved money and wanted to buy a popular book of quiz questions with it. I asked my father whether I could. He replied that since I was becoming a big boy, approaching teenage and adolescence, I should start thinking for myself. In matters like this I should stop asking for permission. I ought to take a decision, and consult them about the decision. Ask them for "suggestions, not advice". [In the matter in question my father's suggestion would be to go for an encyclopedia, and not a quiz book. I went ahead with the latter in any case, and after a year or so realized that I should have followed his suggestion.]
My parents have always trusted me and my decisions as I grew up, though they have had their suggestions which I was mostly free to accept or reject. And I respect them for this trust and freedom. I have always realized how fortunate I was in this matter, especially in the Indian context.

Once when I was in Germany (2000), my father jokingly mentioned marriage when I called up one weekend. I quite categorically said that I would never go for an arranged marriage, so they should stop worrying themselves or worrying me about it. [For my non-Indian readers, arranged marriage is a common system in India/South Asia where the parents and relatives would choose a bride for a groom, or vice versa. It does work in many/most cases and the whys and why nots are beyond the scope of this blog entry.] My father took that as a hint that I had someone in mind and was audibly thrilled and excited. I had to later write an email categorically denying that this was the case. But the thrill and excitement in his voice scared me. Not only was there no girl, there would never be any. There would never be cause to be thrilled or excited in this respect.
I made an SOS call to H. to discuss this. I didn't know what I should do, whether it'd be unfair to tell them the truth about myself or whether I'd keep lying to them. Whether I'd kill them (figuratively speaking of course) with the truth, or let them die without ever knowing their son. I didn't know. H. suggested not telling them. I discussed it with other (Indian) friends I had come out to. They were all of the opinion that there shouldn't be any harm if they didn't know. But then there were relatives and busybodies bothering them about their son who was of marriagable age, well educated and even abroad (the ultimate qualification). Wasn't that unfair and confusing for them to not know what they were fending off, what they were defending?
But even if I did decide to tell them, how would I? Here I was hyperventilating at the prospect of coming out to my closest friends (whom I had chosen, and who had chosen me--as friends) over telephone, and this was about coming out to parents whom I certainly hadn't chosen and who hadn't chosen me-- and this coming out had to be done in person, face to face. I couldn't think how I'd do that.

I decided it was time, when I finished my PhD. Before moving to Vienna, I was visiting India for a few weeks in Jan-Feb, 2003-- it had to be now. My father was embarassing me by insisting on introducing me to everybody as Dr. S. They were both very, very proud of me. Now was the right moment for them to know the real me and then decide exactly how proud they should be of their son.
I had been doing my homework. I had been reading up on coming out experiences, reactions, views. One thing was clear. I had been living with this fact for 24 hours a day for a decade before I had accepted it and was comfortable with it. It would be extremely unfair of me to tell them, and expect them to be happy about it immediately. I had had time, they were entitled to it too. I had made elaborate plans: I'd come out to them, stay with them for a couple of days, and then travel somewhere (as I always do when I visit India) and let them digest the information, come back home and stay with them for a few more days (provided their reaction wasn't negative enough to throw me out-- I doubted that would happen) probably take them to a counsellor/psychologist and then fly back to Europe. I had brought two books for them. First, Terry Sanderson's A Stranger in the Family, a support book addressed to the family when a member comes out to them. The other was The Science of Desire by Dean Hamer and Peter Copeland which is written for the layman and describes the research by Hamer's group towards identifying a locus on the human X-chromosome that tended to correlate with homosexuality. This book also explains the biology and research of sexual behaviour and is a very informative book in general.

Things rarely work out as planned. I couldn't get a chance to come out to them during the first part of my visit... a visit to India is always hectic because on has to visit and be visited by hordes of relatives. And this isn't a conversation one initiates when we come back at 11:30 pm after dinner at someone's place. I went to Bhubaneswar and Konark and returned to Kolkata. I hadn't gotten around to finding a counsellor/psychologist. And the day of my return to Germany was getting nearer.

Finally it was the Sunday, two days before I was to leave. We had finished lunch. My parents were in a good mood. I said I wanted to talk to them, together, in the living room. They came and sat down with a knowing smile. They expected to be told about a girl, I could see that on their faces. Sorry, I'd disappoint them, but for the last time on this issue, I'd never raise their hopes again like this... at least not about a girl, ever again! That was the whole point. It went bad. I stuttered, I struggled. I said I am gay, homosexual, I prefer guys and I would never get married. Here are two books that you could read, that might help you understand. Impassive faces. My mother asked whether my brother knew about this. I said yes. No further reaction from her. Her lack of reaction made me wonder whether she had understood what I said. After all, I said "gay" and "homosexual" using the these English terms. I didn't know of a term in Bengali that could be used in polite language, and that my mother would be likely to be familiar with. My father said he was very upset. If I had said this earlier when I was younger, there might have been something that could be done. I said no, there was nothing that could be done, there cannot be, I am the way I am. He said he'd not read the books, he'd not keep these books at home. I said I'd leave them there anyways if they ever wanted to read them. He said he wouldn't keep them at home. If I didn't take them, he'd throw them out after I left.
End of conversation.
The next day he told me in the morning that he was naturally upset at my disclosure and didn't want to be at home. If I needed him or the car, I should warn him in advance, else he'd stay out. And he indeed did so.
I didn't want to risk Dean Hamer's excellent book being thrown away, so I brought it back with me. I had no use for Terry Sanderson's book, so I left it in the drawer of my desk in their house, hoping that he'd be tempted to turn its pages before he "threw it out". And after I left, my absence, missing me, might make things a bit different. I don't know if either of them ever read it. If it is still at home or it was indeed "thrown out". I never asked.
The day I left, my parents accompanied me to the airport like always. Both were tearful as I went in after the final goodbye.

I try to call up every weekend. I returned to Germany and stayed there for a couple of weeks and moved to Vienna. This period was understandably chaotic, and my calls to home were irregular and rare. I resumed my regular weekend calls a few weeks after I moved to Vienna. For the first few months, my father rarely came to the phone when I called. Even if he picked up the phone, he'd say the bare necessary politenesses and then say "ok, now talk to your mother." Gradually that changed. He began talking more and more often. Became his chatty self. Last Sunday I spoke to them for close to an hour, mostly to him.
I have made sure that my mother did understand my disclosure. I have introduced her to Vijay and his boyfriend, Daniel, during her visit to Vienna, and my mother loved them. She does understand what I meant.

Last winter, I called home and my mother asked what I was doing. I said I was feeling lazy and so was listening to music, lying under a blanket. She sighed and said, it'd have been so nice if I'd not been alone under the blanket. Wow! She sure knew that it'd have to be a guy if there'd be someone. Similarly a couple of months ago, my father asked me whether I had any special news for them, whether I wanted to tell them about someone special. Wow, again!
Sorry, folks, I am disappointed that I have to disappoint you about this blank in my life. But you're lovely parents, although I will never get around to saying that to you.

Read More...

Summary only...

Coming Out II: to close friends

This is the second part of a three-part article. Check out the previous one first.

Kerstin was a postdoc in a neighbouring lab in Tübingen, and one of the smartest girls I have met in Europe. She was nice, although she could be quite bitchy. She was openly lesbian, and I had met her girlfriend too. One of my biggest regrets in life is that I didn't come out to her. Bitchy or not, gossipy or not, she'd have helped me, and may even have introduced me to a lot of people. In fact she may have taken me for a bit of a homophobe from some of my comments.

In June 1999, I had finished an important piece of work, that I had been struggling with for a while, and my supervisor insisted that I take a holiday. So I decided to visit H. in Berlin again. I heard that Kerstin was going to Berlin for the same weekend. When she came to know about my plans of visiting that weekend too, she was very curious about the reason of my visit.

That Saturday, H., a friend of his, and I were loitering around Berlin, and came across a huge parade. Noisy, crowded, outrageous costumes.. or nothing (or nothing much) on at all. A girl even asked me whether she could take my photo, and I "posed". None of the three of us desis spoke much German at that time, so we couldn't figure out what it was. H. said he'd heard of the Love Parade and this could be it. We didn't stay to watch, but moved on to the sights of Berlin. Later, a friend of his told us that it was the Gay Parade. Wow! My first encounter with a Gay Parade, one of the most famous Gay Parades of the world, and it didn't even register! The reason why Kerstin was in Berlin and her curiosity about my visit also clicked. I told H. that I'd tell her that we'd come across the "Love Parade" and see what she says. H. said he thought that'd be horribly nasty of me. If Kerstin is lesbian, that is her business. There was nothing wrong in being lesbian. Why should I make fun of her? Mentally, I stopped in my tracks. I was the gay guy, and I was being homophobic. The pretense was taking me too far. It had to be a straight guy who had to point this out to me. [Kerstin did ask me whether I saw the parade, and I truthfully answered that yes, we did, but we'd initially thought that it was the Love Parade. She got a bit agitated and explained that while the Love Parade had no significance, the Gay Parade had a lot. This was my first lesson in gay history. But I still didn't come out to her. How far can paranoia and plain stupidity take one!]

This episode got me thinking about my pretense bordering on homophobia, and also about why I'd need to pretend at all with people like H. Why would I have to pretend at all with people who are friends? They are not friends because they think I am straight! And to assume that would be to insult them and their affection for me. If someone did have a problem with my not being straight, would this person deserve being my friend at all?
When H. called up in Mar 2000 to wish me on my 26th birthday, I came out to him. I was terribly nervous, trembling, dry-mouthed, scared. Stupid, because I knew H., knew him well, and had decided to come out because of his correcting me! Nevertheless, the first coming out is never easy. He was shocked, but very supportive. I felt as if a huge burden had been lifted over my shoulders. [Interestingly enough, one of his first questions was about my behaviour in the Kerstin episode.]

From then on, coming out was like an addiction. I had targetted six of my close friends, scattered around the world, and one by one I came out to them. The circle widened. The reactions were varying. Most of these people were shocked, dumbstruck, some thought I was playing one of my tricks that I used to be notorious for. One argued with me that it was "not natural" and took his time to come to terms to this information, although at no point did he shut me out. I am really proud of the bunch of friends I have collected over the years-- proud of them, and proud of myself.

Chris was the fifth of the original six, the only non-Indian in this lot, and the only one I came out to in person at that time (all the other five were on the telephone as they didn't live in the town/country/continent). He was studying in Würzburg and had spent a summer in a neighbouring lab when we became very good friends. We visited each other in Tübingen (later Heidelberg) and Würzburg respectively a few times, and he introduced me to German history and we often travelled together to historical places. I felt myself falling in love with him (to this day, I think if he'd been gay, he'd be Mr. Perfect for me... and I'm not talking about looks here). I didn't want another "is he? he's not!", and other case of my fucking up a friendship. So once, just before returning from a visit, I came out to him in a rather roundabout manner. He was of course ok with it.

My brother's reaction was a classic one. I was in Heidelberg and writing my thesis, meaning I was spending (read: wasting) a lot of time on the computer and the internet on that pretext. During one of our long conversations on Yahoo Messenger, I came out. I asked him if he had a problem with it, whether he was shocked. This offended him, because he'd have thought I'd known him by now and that he is unshockable.

Of the girls that have been romantically interested in me, SM was one, though she insists that this is not true. Her initial reaction was of shock and complete disbelief when I came out to her (on the phone). I was already in Vienna, and it was a week or so before her PhD defence in Tübingen... she never fails to point out how inappropriate my timing for coming out to her was, and I do plead guilty. Later before moving to the US, she visited me in Vienna for the New Year (Dec 2003-Jan 2004) and she wanted to visit a gay bar. I had introduced her to Vijay, and she keeps repeating that if he'd not been gay, he'd be her Mr. Perfect. So Vijay and I took her to Cafe Willendorf at the Rosa Lila Villa. She liked it, of course, like most people do, but she found it no different from a regular cafe. And that's right too. We should have taken her to some place that's "more gay".

Once our Indian friends in Europe and I were visiting H. in Berlin for Christmas (2001). We had all gone for a movie, when H. who was sitting next to me told me he liked the girl in the trailer. Then suddenly he whispered that we'd always talked about the actresses he fancied, but it was silly he'd never asked me about the actors I liked. So who were they?
If I had to give just one reason for having come out to friends, it'd be this.

This is the second part of a three-part article. Check out the next one.

Read More...

Summary only...

Coming Out Ib: coming to terms

Wild Reeds had an interesting post recently about an event they organized in Mumbai to get together parents and relatives of gay and lesbian people and discuss various related issues with them. The post has detailed transcripts of these discussions.

The post reminded me of the time I came out to my parents. I really wished there had been a support network for them, like PFLAG, that would allow them to talk to others like them. After all gay people have been living with their knowledge of themselves since their adolescence, and even then we take a lot of time to get to terms with ourselves (if at all), while when we come out, our poor parents are suddenly confronted with an often unpalatable truth. In the ensuing discussion with Wild Reeds, I promised that I'd blog about my coming out to my parents, and that seems to fit well as a sequel to my previous post about HRJ. But I'll discuss my whole coming out story, and this'll be long. So I am dividing it into three posts. The first (this one) will be a continuation of the HRJ story. The second one will be about coming out to my friends, and the final one, about coming out to my parents.

Ever since puberty, or probably even before that, I have been aware of my attraction towards guys, and an almost complete lack of it towards girls... the exception being HRJ. Probably like every kid, I used to develop curshes and fall in love very easily. But unlike other kids I could never talk about them to anybody else, not even to my closest friends. On the contrary I had to pretend. Pretend to be interested in girls, to fit in, to be like everyone else. I even invented code words to describe girls during my BSc (1991-1994)... the lengths to which I went to kinda reminds me of Woody Allen's film Zelig.

It was a lonely life. I did not know anybody else who felt like me. Visibility of gay people in India and in the Indian media is rare, and was non-existent then. Probably the only figure I knew was homosexual was Oscar Wilde. Although I had read his sole novel, his fairy tales and The Importance of Being Earnest, I wasn't even a big fan then (I am now, since I rediscovered his works some seven years ago).

I desperately hoped I'd be bisexual.

Then Pune happened. I had been selected in both JNU and Pune Uni (at that time Poona Uni), and was in a dilemma which one to join. I knew about JNU and had lived in Delhi and even visited the campus, but I knew nothing about Pune. At my father's suggestion I went to consult a cousin who had lived in Bombay and was familar with Pune. The cousin said Pune is a nice place and the uni is good, but he warned me he had been recently reading about homosexuals there. My heart skipped a beat and added a bias in favour of the city. Later on I visited Pune-- the beautiful Bombay-Pune train journey and the lovely campus made my decision very simple. But I digress. Unfortunately I didn't meet any of the homosexuals that my cousin had been apprehensive about, instead I fell in love with a girl, but at the same time that made me become clear about my sexuality: gay, not bisexual. Even while I was at Pune, I had big crushes on two other guys, friends of mine. Pune was good for me in several other ways. I used to be introverted, underconfident and terribly shy. That changed. I was also introduced to mountain hiking (we called it trekking) and Indian classical music (mainly Hindustani) and fell in love with both. I digress again...

At my next stop, two years in IISc, Bangalore, I desperately fell in love with a close friend, H. My being in love with him complicated our friendship and this complication exists to this day, although I have moved on. Once in a Developmental Biology class, the professor talked about Alan Turing, the British logician/mathematician. I had read an article about the fascinating Turing Test in a book about the mind. Prof N. told us about Turing's fascinating contribution to Developmental Biology. He also mentioned that Turing had done an amazing amount of work in solving the Nazi codes during the World War-II but was nevertheless persecuted and prosecuted because of his being gay and ultimately committed suicide. Here at last was a multifaceted man, a genius, who had been unashamedly gay. I had found my "role model". [For more on Turing, check out Andrew Hodges' excellent biography or website.]

H. moved to Berlin, and I missed him really terribly. I decided to move to Germany too, and got a position in Tübingen. These three years were really when I started accepting myself as gay, started coming out, started looking at life as a gay man, possibilities and perspectives of life etc. This process was terribly slow during the years in Tübingen (Nov 1998-Sept 2001) and picked up pace in Heidelberg (Oct 2001-Jan 2003). I am finally comfortable in my identity as a gay man in Vienna (Mar 2003-).

I am not out to everybody, because I don't like being gay to be my identity. It is an important part of who I am, but it is not who I am. I am not out at work (or I think I am not) but I don't lie. I don't laugh at homophobic jokes, in fact especially if it is an Austrian or German making the joke, I ask whether they prefer putting a pink triangle on the targets of their jokes and send them to concentration camps. When people are suprised at the vehmence of my reaction (any suggestion that anyone is emulating the Nazis, is understandably considered vehment in Europe), I say I have a lot of gay friends, and I certainly don't like them to be insulted like this. I use gender neutral terms when it comes to my personal life, and I don't care if people catch on or if they don't. Amazingly enough most people don't catch on. If I had a partner, I wouldn't hestitate to take him to official parties as my partner. But for that I'd have to have one first! Since coming to Vienna, I have attended all the gay parades here, and this year, I walked the whole stretch with a rainbow flag sticking out of my bag. I don't know if anyone I knew who didn't know saw me and I don't care if they did.

It is so nice to finally be me.

This is the first part of a three-part article. Check out the second part.

Read More...

Summary only...

a new member of the next generation, and ramblings about the past

I just got off the phone after talking to HRJ... she has made her contribution to the next generation. Her baby, Arya (stupid name actually) was born on Monday.

She had told me way back in March, when she'd called for my birthday, that she was expecting a baby. Although I had not forgotten about it, it had indeed kinda slipped out of my mind... after all, we talk about twice a year-- in March and in September (her birthday).

She had told me about her previous pregnancy exactly a year before too-- again, when she had called up for my birthday in 2005. She had miscarried in January 2005. Not a lot of people know about it, certainly none (or very few) of our common friends. She had broken down on the phone. I was about to leave for my third date with T., and this of course made me call him and say that I'd be delayed.

Anyways, she announced her pregancy to the MSc batch/friends mailing list only in mid-July, just two weeks before the expected date. She emailed again towards the end of July saying that the baby was late and she was "waiting and waiting". I had been trying to call since the last few days, but always got the answering machine. I'd left a message on Wednesday asking them what the news was. Finally tonight her father picked up the phone (her parents are visiting them in Tennessee to help with the baby) and I got to talk to her. She apparently returned home on Wednesday or Thursday.

I am really, really happy for them!

HRJ. I haven't seen her for close to 10 years probably. It still brings a smile and a sigh when I think of her-- I was in love with her, and still am, like with most people I've been in love with. We both used to live outside the campus in Pune and in those early days neither of us had our mopeds, so we used to take the bus to the university. It often turned out to be the same bus and I liked her right from the beginning. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her, and then very soon fell in love. It was funny. I was a big flirt at that time, and among my female friends, she was the only one I didn't flirt with, though, as she told me later, she did know of my "fondness" for her but she'd always thought I was too much of a flirt... really funny how convincing one's acting can be.

It was also complicated... I knew there were several guys interested in her, and one of them was a very close friend. Plus there was the problem of my sexuality. I had always been interested in guys, and this was confusing. I was hoping that the fact that I was in love with her meant that I was bisexual, and that'd mean that I'd just have to suppress my attraction to guys. But again, since I was in love with her, and more importantly since she was a close friend, I didn't want to do anything that'd spoil her life or scar her or the like. And so it ended up my never telling her about my feelings, until much later when it was too late.

I am not bisexual, I have always been gay and being in love with her was an aberration. One of the things that I am proud of in myself is my restraint with her in those two years. That I did not attempt to take the seemingly easy way (out of my confusion about my sexuality) and woo her. It was of course good for me, but it was good for her too, as I am quite sure that I'd have been successful had I tried to woo her with even the slightest amount of seriousness.

She moved to Tennessee, and I, to Bangalore. We both liked writing letters and we'd exchange letters and emails with regularity for a few years. She would often use me as a sounding board during dilemmas, ask for my honest analyses of difficult decisions, personal issues and so on. And in the course of one of these letters, I told her about my feelings for her. She said she loved reading the letter and it made her feel like she was on the top of the world. But of course I had asked no question, and neither expected nor wanted any answer. In fact at that time I was in love with a (straight) guy: another very close friend, H. And she was seeing a Bihari guy.

Now comes a very interesting coincidence. Around the same time, K., a friend of HRJ and me from our Pune days wrote to me that a friend of her's, JE, was working in the campus, and not being a student was not eligible for a hostel room, so could I help him. Since I was in a double room without a roommate I offered to let him stay there. JE was a nice guy, but we never really hit it off. He was planning to go to the US, and finally found his way to the same uni as HRJ and even selected the same lab. They didn't quite get along in the beginning. HRJ broke up with the Bihari guy, and one day after I had moved to Germany, she called (probably one of the birthday conversations) to say that she'd been seeing JE and they'd get married. That was a bit of a shock, as she'd not told me about him before, and for I was also stupidly jealous of JE. Jealous?! I remember, H. was visiting me soon afterwards and I told him how upset I was and how stupid my being upset was. I had come out to both H. and HRJ by then. H. was the first person I came out to (long story-- another day), HRJ was the third.

Life, love, emotions, jealousy, can be so strange, funny, unpredicable and so devoid of logic!

A very warm welcome to the world of all this and more, Arya.

Read More...

Summary only...

Parental "Love" and "Undertanding": disowning a publicly gay son

I have come across this story rather late. 40 year old "Crown-Prince" Manvendra Singh Gohil was disowned by his parents for going public about being gay.
Manvendra is the son of the "king" of one of the richest erstwhile princely states of India, Rajpipla in south-eastern Gujarat. He has been an activist working for prevention of the spread of HIV/AIDS among gay men in Gujarat, and had originally come out as gay to his parents in 2002. He says,

Four years ago I had a nervous breakdown and through that breakdown I spoke to my psychotherapist who helped me. I told my parents I was gay initially it was difficult for them to accept it. They tried to convert me to heterosexuality. The doctors told them that was not possible. And I guess they could not deal with the stigma.

But the straw that apparently broke the proverbial camel's back was his coming out in recent interview to a Gujarat daily. Times of India quotes him:

However, they may not have expected that I would go public with the issue. I did so by giving an interview that was carried prominently. I also said gay relationships were not uncommon in royal families. This, along with my recent interviews regarding a documentary film on gay relationships, seems to have prompted the action.

Manvendra heard about his disinheritance from newspapers-- two public notices were issued by the "royal" family on 22 June. One of them said:

Manvendra is not in control of his mother and involved in activities unacceptable to society”, said one notice, issued by his mother. “Hence, he ceases to have rights as a son over the family property and the power of attorney issued to him also stands cancelled. Henceforth, no one must refer to my name as mother of Manvendra. If any individual or organization dares to do so, it will invite contempt proceedings against him.

Manvendra had been married in 1991 at 26, but got divorced the year after. He says,

All I want to do is to ensure there is a discussion and people talk about homosexuality and that we get some sort of social status.

In its days, the erstwhile princely state of Rajpipla had a thirteen gun salute, my Thirteen Gun Salute to Manvendra.

Sources: ToI, IndiaTimes XTRAedition, NDTV news.

Read More...

Summary only...

My Paris travelogue...

... is on my travel blog now. The complete one, with photos.

Since this was probably the first time I carried my laptop to a trip and my blogs are rather new, I was able to maintain a regular travelogue during the trip. Just the last two days (one and a half actually) were missing. I was first lazy to write these two days, and also to process, select, and insert the photos. I solved the usual procrastination problem by putting in the photos day by day and putting the posts up, and then today wrote up the last two days, inserted the photos and made them public. Feels good now. This is the second time in my life I have a full travelogue. The first time was of course a written one during my college trip to Rajasthan in Nov-Dec 1992. Since then I have never finished my travelogues (if I at all did start one). I almost took the one during the Spain trip, but gave up during the last few days. I didn't proceed beyond the first 2 days during my Greece trip last year.

Read More...

Summary only...

the past week and a hectic weekend

Come summer, and life seems to become faster. There is so much to do, so many people to meet up with.

The Sunday after the parade (2nd July), a few of us CSers met up at Marcus' place in the afternoon. Couchsurfing had died the previous week, with Casey the founder send an emotionally charged obitituary. Of course lots of people couldn't accept it, and quite a few people started to try to recover cached stuff. So did Marcus and a few other geeks here. The Sunday meeting was to discuss this and the planned 10-day CS meeting in Eisenstadt and Vienna at the end of July. The Viennese CS recovery efforts seemed quite redundant, as Casey and a large team of volunteers who turned up in Montreal were at it day and night and expected to have the site back and running in a few days. We spoke to Casey on telephone. And indeed, it is up and fully functional (well a few recent modifications to profiles, friends links, references etc have been lost) since this Friday (7th), I think.

On Monday I finally went to the gym after quite a while.

On Tuesday the institute had organized a Football World Cup Party outside with sausages and drinks and a large screen for viewing the semi-final between Germany and Italy. Although I'm certainly not into football, I enjoy it in these kinds of atmospheres-- there were lots of Germans and Italians around. Germany lost, and the Italians ultimately went on to win the cup on Sunday.

A British girl called Katie had posted on Vienna Expats about wanting to start a free print magazine in English for expats in Vienna. There wasn't much enthusiasm on VE, but I found it to be a great idea. We met up on Wednesday evening and chatted quite a bit. She has written for such a magazine for German-speakers in London. The English-language expat magazine in Berlin apparently became so popular that they had to change it to a proper subscription-magazine. Katie has a very good idea of what she wants and has planned almost everything. She wants to start it from October, and we discussed that I'd write the monthly restaurant review column and contribute to features-- one on CS, for example.

Theatre group on Thursday was fun-- Clark and Rosie were not there, but we had good fun and always watched the video of their performance of our piece from Pulp Fiction at a private function on Monday. I had not participated (as I was away in Paris during the rehersals) and Justin did "my" (Samuel Jackson's) role. Ella did the role Claudia had done (Tarentino). The audience wasn't great, and there weren't a lot of laughs. Next Thursday (day after tomorrwo) Ella will be away, but we do our proper rehersals for Daylight Saving. I haven't learnt any of my lines yet...

I went to the gym for a quick session on Friday before meeting up with Adam S. at Cafe Berg. The food was excellent like last time (I wonder why I neglected this place for so long)-- I had beef pepper steak, and afterwards we went to the cinema to watch The Lake House. The film has an interesting concept, but a different ending would have been better. I realized I'm not a big fan of Keanu Reeves.

I slept in on Saturday, and then went shopping for shoes with Fabien. I bought three pairs (well one was very cheap-- EUR 20), and Fabien bought a pair. I also bought earphones and a 512 MB USB stick. Later we went to Fabien's place and ate ice cream and we listened to the cd of Jethu's songs that I had brought for him-- he said he liked them. Since the weather was so beautiful, we decided to go to the Donauinsel (Danube Island), but as we were getting out, I closed the inner door of Fabien's flat (it has a double door) by mistake. He doesn't carry keys for it, and so we had to call the locksmith to open the door, and had to pay him EUR 160 for a 30 second job (we shared the expense). We had dinner at a Greek place on the Donauinsel that they call "Copa Kagrana" (after the Copacabana beach in Brazil) because that district is called Kagran. The food was really good.

I got up at 9 am on Sunday as I had said I'd go swimming with Fabien. Sunanda called soon after (very conveniently we can speak after I wake up in the morning in Vienna and before she goes to bed in San Fancisco) and we spoke for half an hour, but couldn't finish the conversation because Fabien called to "wake" me.

The swimming pool he had selected was near the Schönbrunn (but not the expensive one in the Schönbrunn). The pool here is indoor, but there is a decent sized outdoor park attached where people lie in the sun. The place was full of families, and hence kids. I am a bad swimmer. Bad in the sense that I cannot do the popular (and easier) breast-stroke. I only go for free-style, but in this I cannot do the associated rhythmic breathing. As a result, I either have to keep my head up all the time, which is terribly tiring because of the immense drag, or I have to do it in one breath. So of course doing lengths like everyone else is difficult for me, and I prefer to do breadths (in one breath), but then this is not very convenient as one bumps into everyone else because they are doing lengths. However this pool was good in a way because most of the people in it were kids jumping around or playing with balls in the shallow part. There were few others who were doing lengths, and so I could easily do a lot of breadths in the deep part.

Let's see what happens in the next weeks. Fabien wants to go to the one in the Schönbrunn because he thinks a lot of gay people go there, but that would be reason I wouldn't want to go there and show everybody my poor swimming skills, not to speak of showing off my embarassing physique...

I had lunch at home-- "Greek" salad and spaghetti, and then called up home. Ma had gone out and I spoke to Baba for quite a bit.

Met up with Fabien again to go to Cafe Berg at 3 pm. A while ago I had started a club called FriendsinVienna on Gayromeo to meet people in a non-sexual English speaking enviroment. A lot of people (40 at the time of blogging) joined up, but my attempts at prodding them to talk in the forums weren't very successful. I had tried to organized two meetings before, and few responded and then backed out. This was my third attempt. I had been anonymous as the owner/organizer in previous attempts. Now I have "come out" and made sure my friends were coming. Nenad and Marcus had signed up for the club and had promised to support it. Nenad isn't around I think (he hasn't logged on for a while). Marcus was undecided and also said he doesn't like posting on the forum. Like last times, another guy who had signed up backed out a day before. Fabian and I went to Cafe Berg. Marcus and Adam S. joined later. Although no one else turned up, it was fun.

Afterwards, Fabien and I were taking a walk and had in fact returning to our respective flats when we saw a Vietnamese Restaurant near Karlsplatz. We both said we wanted to eat there sometime. I half jokingly suggested "now", and Fabien said "yes, why not? We should be spontaneous". We ordered a starter each-- he, a plate of fried prawns, and I, some delicious stuffed chicken wings. For the main course we both ordered the same thing, which turned out to be very elaborate. Each of us had 7-8 thin "rice-papers" and a plate with some noodles, mashed beef rolled in basil (?) leaves, and some leaves and shoots. One had to roll the stuff on the plate in the rice-papers and dip it in sauce before eating.

Not a bad weekend, albeit a bit expensive, considering all the eating out, shopping and the locksmith.

Yesterday and today I have been updating blogs. I have updated 10 days of my Paris trip in my travelogue (i.e., put in the photos) and now this main blog. The last two days of the travelogue still remain. I should actually be doing other stuff. For example, tomorrow I have to present a paper in the PcG journal club of Leonie's group, and I have selected Jürg's complicated paper, but my favourite from his lab. I should be working on that... although I was in his lab when this work was being done, the experiments and the interpretations are so complicated that I have to really spend time on reading it. Also I will have CS guests tomorrow, so a massive cleaning up of the flat is urgently required.

Plus of course there is lots of work in the lab that I have been neglecting.

Read More...

Summary only...

Regenbogen Parade in Vienna

(started on 3 July, completed and posted on 11 July)

The Regenbogen Parade ("Rainbow"/Gay Parade) of Vienna was on Saturday, 1 July. The previous week had excellent weather, but the forecast for Saturday was bad-- cloudy and rain. Fortunately there wasn't anything more than a few drops here and there.

Since the more than three years that I have been in Vienna, I have attended all of these, though to varying extents. Saturday's was possibly the maximum time I spent in it and in the subsequent events.

I met Clovis and Michael around 3 pm in front of the Village Cinemas. The parade had just started from the Stadtpark. Although this is a couple of minutes from my place, I have never seen the actual beginning. This year we just about missed it. It started at exactly 3 pm, and there was a slight misunderstanding about where exactly Clovis & Michael and I would meet, so by the time we found each other and made it to Stubentor where the Stadtpark ends, it had already started.

The parade starts at the Stadtpark and goes along the Ring via Swedenplatz, Schottenring, Schottentor, in front of the Rathaus/Burgtheater and the Parliament and ends at the Heldenplatz (or in the courtyard of the Museumsquartier as it did in 2003, my first Gay Parade in Vienna-- actually my first Gay Parade, if I don't count the one in Berlin that we had stumbled upon. [I was visiting Hari in Berlin in 1999 and it just happened that it was the Gay Parade weekend. At that time Hari (or nobody) knew that I was gay, and while we were loitering around Berlin, we stumbled upon a parade that we much later realized was the Gay Pride Parade... I should blog on this at some point.] It was also during the 2003 Regenbogen Parade that I first met Clovis. We had "met" on the internet and had been exchanging emails and had planned to meet up during the parade. However the parade was so noisy, that we couldn't hear each others' phone calls and finally met when the parade ended at the MQ.

We waited for all the floats to pass by and then started walking along with the parade, taking photos, chatting, catching up, meeting friends and acquaintences (mainly Clovis'), eating ice creams and ogling at people. This year I also had the rainbow flag sticking in my bag... and that was nice, because since I don't dress up for the occasion, and my usual attire is very non-gay, an onlooker wouldn't be able to figure out whether I'm just another onlooker or tourist taking photos, or am actually a participant. The flag I bought in Paris was very suitable for the purpose.

After the Parisian parade, this one really looked small, and the floats rather simple. But it was good fun.
The beginning of the parade had a carriage with a Sissi and a Franz-Josef, both in drag-- so a guy was Sissi and a girl Franz-Josef.

There were the usual floats of the the political parties: the Socialists and the Greens-- the latter distributing green balloons. And of course there was a float of HOSI, the organizers of the parade.


The Rosa Lila Villa, a GLBT resource centre in Vienna that also has a great cafe-- Cafe Willendorf; Cafe Berg, another lovely cafe with excellent food; Felixx, a nice bar, & Why Not, a popular or unpopular (depends on your perspective) tiny disco that are jointly owned; and Löwenherz the gay bookshop next door to Cafe Berg-- all had their floats.







There were great costumes as usual.

Body paints, and innovative advertising.

The AIDS-Hilfe distributed free condoms.

There was a float from Salzburg where the guys and girls dressed in Austrian costumes were dancing to traditional music.

And of course there were quite a few cute guys around, on the floats and on the streets.




Clovis and Michael left around 5 pm when we were near the Rathausplatz, as they were yet to do their weekend grocery shopping. Almost immediately afterwards, I saw Marcus and we walked along for the rest of the way. When I was near the Hofburg, Vijay called as he was also near there, and we finally found each other. Daniel didn't want to come as one of his aunts had died and he wasn't in the mood, and usually he keeps away from things like this anyway.

We watched the parade end and went to Heldenplatz where there was a huge crowd and a lot of singing and dancing. We met Josef, a guy I had talked to and met earlier.
Clark had called to ask where I was. It was stupid, because I had contacted most of my gay friends before and tried to see if we could all go to the parade together. I had met Clark on Thursday at the theatre group, but since he stayed back after I left, I didn't get around to discussing it with him, and later forgot to call him. It was a shame because Thomas was working, and so Clark was all alone at the parade. The stupid guy didn't call me earlier either. Well, he went back soon after I met Vijay as he didn't know that there was a lot of post-parade stuff going on in Heldenplatz.
We sms-ed back and forth and I persuaded him (and Thomas) to come to the Heldenplatz, but after an hour.
Vijay wanted to leave, and I went with him to his place because I needed to pee (I didn't realize that there were several temporary toilets in Heldenplatz for the occasion).
So we went to his place, I chatted a bit with Daniel who was watching football and then went back to Heldenplatz, which by now wasn't as crowded anymore.
Clark and Thomas arrived soon, and they were hungry, so we went to Cafe Berg for dinner.

Clark wanted to go clubbing, at WUK, and asking Leo's friends who were also in Berg, we figured that WUK was also the only place one could go for gay clubbing that evening. So after a delcious meal (chicken breast stuffed with pesto) at Cafe Berg (actually it was the first time I ate there) and a few drinks, we walked down to the WUK.

There were two or three parallel events going on-- one of them was the Homooriental that I usually enjoy, with Eastern music (mainly Balkan and Turkish, probably Arabic, rarely Indian/Bollywood), but this was in a small room, and the other more crowded room with what I was told was House music. It was really crowded and hot, nevertheless it was fun.
I even saw straight guys from the institute, Ruben from the lab (I don't think he saw me) and Lionel from the Wagner lab (he saw me, and said hello, but dunno whether he caught on that I might be gay!). Clark and Thomas left at around 2 am, I stayed on for a couple of hours more (yes!).

But yes, I went back alone. Not that there weren't people interested, or interesting people, but I realize that I don't know how to pull.

Read More...

Summary only...

Off to Paris!!!

I have lived in Europe for 7.5 years now, but never been to Paris before. As a kid, I used to gulp up Alexandre Dumas' novels. Guy de Maupassant has always been one of my favourite short story writers. I was introduced to Science Fiction (although I am not a big fan of the genre) by Jules Verne. I have read Balzac, Hugo, Flaubert, Gide. All in translation of course. The only place in France I have been to is Strasbourg, where the local dialect is very similar to German (although they usually hate to admit that). But I have never been to Paris. Not that I don't want to, but because I have always been scared of the French language and the way one never knows how to pronounce a word. What to pronounce and what not to.

For example, the "ll" Marseilles is not pronounced as "l", but the ones in Villepin and Gaulle are pronounced.

Of course everybody has told me that Paris is very touristy, and I won't have a problem. In fact I am staying with locals from Couchsurfing and Hospitality Club, the brilliant organizations which will make life so much easier.
Nevertheless...
Funnily enough, I wasn't nervous when I visited Italy, Spain or Greece.
I even called up my friend Fabien (who is French, but not from Paris) in the morning and had almost an hour's conversation and he trying to convince me that it'll be good fun. I know it will be. I know there are millions of tourists in Paris every year who don't speak any French. I know I'll have my hosts. But I am still nervous!

I'll be in Paris from today evening until the 25th. In between, I'll stay for two days in Tours and visit a few of the famous chateaux of the Loire valley. and I of course plan to make a day trip to Versailles (another place where "ll" is not pronounced!).
I will try to update my travelogue, but I don't know how often I will have access to the internet.

This is a common post for this blog and also my travelogue.

Read More...

Summary only...

Blogaddiction and other addictions

I get addicted to different things at different points of my life. Fortunately I don't smoke, don't like alcohol and have no curiousity about drugs, so no harm done to my physical health. Ok, I shouldn't be in a hurry to claim that last last bit... I do wear glasses...

Reading
My very first and long-lasting addiction was books, stories.
It was probably introduced to me by my grandmother who used to read to a toddler-me every evening. There used to be a stupid story about a pet hen surprising its kid owner by laying eggs "magic", and I used to love this story. This one had to be read to me every evening apart from another story. I why my grandma didn't tear off her hair in frustration. One of my earliest memories is of throwing a tantrum because she couldn't read to me since we had visitors.
But the main "credit" for my reading addiction goes to my grandfather's cousin who had remained a bachelor and used to dote on us kids. He used to bring us books and read to us very regularly. Nowadays I don't read books all that much, but do read a bit during bus or train journeys.
I have been wearing glasses since I was 10 years old, and I believe my reading addiction is responsible for that.

People
Once in a while I also get addicted to particular people, that of course usually means that I have developed a crush, or more often that I am in love and cannot have enough of that person. Most often an "addiction" means I overdo it and manage to push them away. But that is a topic for a separate post someday.

Internet
Since quite a few years, I have seen myself getting addicted to the internet. And that is certainly not good, as I browse aimlessly when I should be working or doing other important things. This is something I really have to bring in control.

Blogs
A related addiction that I can sense is in the process of development is reading people's blogs. I have a weird way of doing that. When I like a blog, I often go back to the very first entry and read through all the posts sequentially. Especially if it is a personal blog like a diary, not if it is a news blog. Crazy, isn't it?
I first discovered a blog when I was living in Heidelberg, and I came across Trey's blog. He was a postdoc at my institute (whom I didn't yet know, and had never come across). His blog was mainly about how he and his partner (now husband-- they were married last year thanks to SF mayor Gavin Newsom) had adopted their daughter and he continues to blog about bringing her up and his thoughts about various issues. Soon after discovering the blog, I contacted Trey and walked down a floor to meet him. Later on I met Guy and Emma too. In many ways, theirs is an ideal family for me, and it is nice to keep track of Emma's growing up since we both moved-- I to Vienna and they to San Francisco.

Another parenting blog I had found through Trey's blog was about a former stay-at-home father whose daughter is already a teenager, and his son is about to be one. I guess since both his children read his blog now, he can't be very straightforward any more lest they take offence and so his blog is mostly a reminiscene of stories of when they were younger.

A blog I discovered a couple of years ago through a website was of an American guy who lives in Vienna. I have never met him, although we have had long interesting discussions. What I fascinated me was that many of his inner thought processes and insecurities etc are very much like what used to be me.
From the same website, I recently came across Prashant's blog, and it is interesting to read about another Indian living in Europe (in his case, Paris).

I had also discovered Metroblogging Vienna, a group blog which has interesting news, observations and stories about Vienna, from different perspectives.

While looking browsing through profiles of Couchsurfers in Paris because of my impending visit, I came across Justin's and Sam's blogs. Justin is an American theatre actor living in Paris, and his writing is delightful and fascinating. As I once commented while checking whether he could host me during my visit, if he "is half as good an actor as [he is] a writer, [he] must be very good indeed!" He won't be able to host me during my visit, but I hope to meet him for a drink. Unfortunately he has not been updating his blog since a long long time. Sam is a British kid who has just finished a course in Paris and will be going back to the UK. It is a pity that he will be away during most of my visit to Paris, and so we probably won't be able to meet up.

Recently, since the reservation issue has come up, I have been commenting on other blogs, and going to blogs of people whose comments are interesting, and through their blogs discovering other blogs. A very good blog that discusses various social and other issues is Indianwriting, and although I don't always agree with what she says, it is always a fascinating read. A blog that I am hooked to is now is called Random Thoughts of a Demented Mind, by a bong with his very hilarious of discussing various issues pertaining to India. Other blogs I have bookmarked include that of a gay guy from Bombay, has achieved proficiency in both German and French simultaneously in less than two (?) years, and also a blog in Hindi that I have bookmarked but am yet to read.

On Thursday, while I was supposed to be preparing for my progress report for the next day, I discovered another parenting blog of a professor of Economics, Lisa Giddings, who writes about her life with her partner and their (biologically the latter's) daughter, Maggie and a younger son (I haven't reached his birth yet). I had clicked on this blog from a random list that appears every day from his collection of blogs, but since it was a random list and I had not bookmarked it, I lost it on Friday (and read the whole of another lesbian parenting blog last night), but rediscovered it again today. I like the way she (actually the other one as well) uses pseudonyms and abbreviations for refering to people, like "BioMom" for her partner and the biological mother of their daughter and "FYO" (Four Year Old), the daughter etc. Considering that she blogs quite regularly, I haven't even reached half way yet, but it is a delightful read.

Now how do I get any thing else done, if I really keep track of so many lives every day...

Read More...

Summary only...

Reservation in India: a points-based system and alternate viewpoints

I can't help it. Reservation (see my original post on this issue for a background) is probably one of the most talked about issues today in India, and hence this is already my third post on the issue in the 10 posts I have made since I started my blog. Browsing Indian blogs, I came across several interesting articles and ideas. The most interesting among them is from Anshuman Ghosh from Delhi/Hyderabad. He agrees with the need for reservations for weaker sections of the Indian society, but proposes a points-based system that gives preferences to people who really need affirmative action as opposed to someone who has already benefitted from this and should no longer require special consideration.

Quoting from his blog:

The way the Graded Points Based Reservation system is supposed to work is -

1) Extent of reservation will be calculated for each individual - just cause you are from a XYZ caste WONT let you in, as it does today

(This is a point against the present system, and in favour of Graded Points System)

2) If you are from a "backward caste" : you get ___ points.

The number of points you get in this clause will depend on which of the backward caste you are from. Aka, to what extent are you the minority. The idea is that minority is given some credit at least, but thats not the sole criteria.

3) Parents are illiterate : you get ____ points

Graduate parents ? You DONT get points under this clause.

4) You are poor (based on annual income of family etc) : you get ___ points

Parents earn lacs ? Affluent family ? You DONT get any points under this clause.

[1 lac/lakh = 100,000 -A.S.]

5) After the total points are calculated, the amount of concession in marks will also be decided on the basis of points (deficit) you have accrued.

This will also ensure that not all get the same 'help', cause the needy need more.

I really like this idea. If this is coupled with good grass-root level education and opportunities-- schools, good teachers, legal and social encouragement to send children to schools, generous scholarships and fellowships, special coaching if required, etc-- this might get rid of our social inequities in no time. This scheme could also include poor people from upper castes (with appropriate points deducted if necessary) and that would immediately get rid of the valid current concerns. In fact if all these were taken together and implemented over a limited period of time (say a decade or two), I might even support 49.5% reservation. But of course the fact remains whether reservation can achieve something. We don't know whether 22.5% reservation for the last 59 years has been able to achieve social parity for SC/STs.

Other interesting articles in the context of reservation:

1. Sam Pitroda, the head of the Knowledge Commission appointed by the Prime Minister strongly opposed the proposed increase of reservation to 49.5%. Here is an interview.

2. Puspa Bhargava, a member of the Knowledge Commission was one of the two dissenters who conditionally supported the proposed increase in reserved seats. Dr. Bhargava was the founder and former director of the Centre for Cellular and Molecular Biology (CCMB). In this interview he supports the increase in reserved seats but opposes the "creamy layer" availing the benefits of reservation. He also proposes an increase in the number of seats in general, and it might have been his idea that the government has jumped upon now to resolve the issue. He also suggests a time frame after which the number of reserved seats will be gradually decreased, a suggestion which I am sure will not be heeded by politicians. Interestingly enough, he also suggests setting up 400,000 high schools across India (and says that Central Schools/Kendriya Vidyalayas are among the best run schools in India-- dunno what his source is, but yay!) so as to make reservations unnecessary. I, and I am sure everybody else other than the politicians, would agree completely with him on the last point.

Interestingly, I noticed that one of the comments on the interview is from Sohan Modak (or someone claiming to be him). Prof. Modak very effectively headed the Department of Zoology at the University of Pune, and brought it to excellence. He had also made sure that it was one of the first places in India where a Masters in Biotechnology was instituted. Unfortunately politics among professors (most of whom he had brought in) spoiled the department and Biotechnology split up from Zoology (I was in one of the first batches that suffered because of this). Modak was a great teacher, albeit a very pompous one, and a decent scientist particularly in his younger days). I quote his comments:

Subject: Dr. P.M. Bhargava on the issue of reservations

Whuile there is always the problem of haves and haves not, Bhargawa's comments are far more insidious than they appear. He, like Manmohan Singh, have missed the point by ignoring what do the students in the general category have to fight to get admission in an institution of higher learning than those who are awarded direct entry albeit without having learnt 60 % of their academic material! Whaty a death nail for the National Knowledge commission! PMB's comments are at best assinine as he has never really been a teacher, nor a saviour of reserved classes when practicing employment practices when he directed the laboratory. Did he really practice affirmative action in hiring personnel ? I guess he enjoys the same power play that Arjun singh does! It is really unfortunate that neither PMB, nor his cohorts, have done much to generate the greatest need of India, and that is to provide good teachers without whom the country is doomed. You can take the reservations to 90%, but who will teach? Not PMBs from their high pedestals. I have already asked NKC to help me understand what is knowledge, but none have cared (or, dared) to reply. well, at least not yet!

-Prof. sohan Modak, Pune.

3. A very thought-provoking article by Siddharth Varadarajan shows how castism still exists even in institutes of higher education, how the media is often one sided, and why there should be reservations. I found the article via this excellent blog, indianwriting.

Update 5 June 06 1.49am :

4. Yet another thought-provoking article via indianwriting has Yogendra Yadav discussing statistics of backward castes (OBCs- mainly Shudras in the Varna system). According to the article, even going by the minimum figure, the percentage of OBCs in the population would be around 36%, which is more than the 27% which the government wants to reserve for them. He claims that the non-SC/ST/OBC, i.e., the rest of the population is 33%, which is somewhat difficult for to digest.

Nevertheless, I think improving conditions at the grassroot levels (schools, absolutely compulsory education, good and non-truant teachers, generous scholarships, extra coaching if required and the like) are more important for achieving social equality than reserving 49.5% seats in IITs.
How would people who don't have the grassroot stuff that I described above compete for the IITs with or without reservations? That would only bring down the standards of higher education. And again will reservation achieve anything; has it achieved anything significant for the SC/STs in the decades since independence?

Read More...

Summary only...

Genetically Modified Organisms

I was checking out discussion groups in CouchSurfing (that reminds me, I really have to write the inaugaral post about CouchSurfing and Hospitality Club on my travelogue), and saw this group called "Protecting the Environment for a healthier tomorrow". They'd had a very one-sided discussion on Transgenic Crops-- as is usually the case, such groups are filled with people who care for the environment, but most of their "knowledge" comes from scare-mongering environment groups, like Greenpeace. Don't get me wrong, Greenpeace does a tremendous amount of great work, but I absolutely don't agree with their campaign against everything GMO. A couple of years ago it had these imbecile posters all over Vienna that translates to "Is Your Milk Changed? -Against Transgenics [German: Gentechnik]". That is stupid scare-mongering which is amazingly successful in Europe. At the other end we have Monsanto et al. that give an equally one sided view, that no one can trust.

The problem is that there are very few people who look at both sides and are in between. Scientists and Geneticists, who know what is happening (but do not have vested interests), and who may well be listened to by the public, prefer to remain within their ivory towers and don't to speak to the public. Anyways, I joined the group and posted a rather long write up. Probably too long... but hopefully someone in the group will read it. Let's see whether I manage to restart the discussion.

Background: The discussion was started by the moderator in the context of Golden Rice. This rice produces beta-carotene in the part that we eat, its endosperm (it is normally only produced in green tissues). Since a lot of children in poor rice-based societies suffer from blindness because of Vitamin A deficiency, Golden Rice might be a good way to prevent it.

I reproduce my write-up below with minor editing.

[It was written in a hurry, at one sitting, and perhaps later I should research it more and write a better article. But this should do for now. If you are a biologist, you might find things a bit over-simplified, but remember it was written for non-biologists.]

My problem with the debate (as with most issues of environment) is that people on both sides refuse to listen to the opposing side. In this forum, the discussion has been mainly to oppose transgenics, so I'll attempt to go towards the other side. A blanket "Genetically modified food/animals/plants is bad" as propagated by Greenpeace and others is plain crazy. Just as it would be crazy to assume that Monsanto and others are saints on earth.

What is GM technology?

It refers to modification of genetic material of organisms in the laboratory. Remember, right from the beginning of civilization farmers have been crossing plants and animals to obtain better characteristics. This used to take several decades, but now can be done in the laboratory in a few months. None of the food you eat is what used to grow in wild. They are all products of crossing by farmers through centuries.

Common products of GM technology

I bet you have heard of Insulin. It is given to people who suffer from certain forms of diabetes. All insulin for pharmaceutical purposes is only produced from genetically engineered bacteria, and this is the safest possible method. Genetically engineered Insulin is historical as it was the first such case, but now many medicines, hormones, vaccines etc are produced by genetic engineering.

So, please don't put a blanket horror sign on genetic engineering or transgenic technology.

Fine, that was bacteria, what about plants and animals?

Apart from time and convenience there is another huge difference between crossing plants and animals as farmers did, and what can be done in the laboratory. And this is what most the fuss is about. Famers can cross only (closely) related plants, or in case of animals of the same species (exceptions being mules). However, in the laboratory, one could theoretically express any gene from anywhere in a plant or animal, something not possible by farmers. And one can use diverse sources-- express a plant protein in animals or visa versa. For example, there was a recent report of a very useful goat that produces human anti-thrombin (required for blood coagulation) in its milk. Until now this protein used to be extracted from human blood, and given the number of diseases, this is no longer a safe option.

Of course these goats are only for pharmaceutical companies, their milk is not for making cheese. This is an example of what can be done.

The beta-carotene from the main example, again, is something that is present in tomatoes and carrots that give them their red colour. They can be put in rice. Why should this be any problem at all? If you can eat beta-carotene in tomatoes and carrots, what is the problem in eating them in rice?

Real Problems

No, I am not naive enough to say that all transgenics are good and we should all blindly approve of them. There are potential problems and caveats.

a) Environmental: Say a company wants to produce a plant that has a huge yield, but its seeds kill themselves (so that the farmer has to come back to the company to buy these seeds). That might be dangerous to the environment, as these genes might escape through natural sources (viruses and other pathogens, pollen etc) and create havoc to the flora.

There are several such real life examples. But again, not all such cases are harmful, and each case is different and should be studied on merits of its own.

b) Health: In many cases, because of our incomplete knowledge, it is difficult to predict whether expressing a foreign protein, might affect other aspects of the metabolism of the plants and animals, making them unsafe for consumption. This is indeed a huge caveat and justify the cautious approach of many countries to GM food. But extensive tests should be able to find out whether there is a risk in a particular case.

Conclusion

I hope I have been able to show (if not convince) you that transgenics are not all dangerous. Some of them are indeed cause for concern, but each case should be studied on its own merit. The safety of individual cases should be tested really rigourously, and after they pass these tests, they should be allowed to be used.

If babies of poor countries are going blind because of the lack of beta-carotene, and rice that expresses it (and has been rigorously tested to be safe) can be provided to them, I think it would be extremely selfish of us to sit in our armchairs and pontificate that we are against GM food and we won't allow this.

Have we forgotten Marie Antoinette's comment about cakes instead of bread?

Disclaimer: I am a Geneticist, I use genetic engineering techniques every day in the lab, but in basic research only. I don't make transgenic food, or animals that produce stuff in their milk, or clone animals or the like. And I am not associated with any commercial company, although our institute is funded by one.

Read More...

Summary only...

An unexpected compliment

I had almost forgotten about Leonie's flattering compliment. On Tuesday, when Ramesh was here for the siRNA conference, and we were having dinner upstairs at the cafeteria, two German guys were sitting next to us. One of these was a young group leader in Ramesh's current institute, and when he had been introduced before his talk, I had heard that he had done his postdoc in Heidelberg. So I enquired about people I knew from that lab and he asked where I had worked. As soon as I said EMBL and Jürg, the other German guy sitting next to me introduced himself as Marc (Leonie's boyfriend who works in Bielefeld, I hadn't gone for his talk at the conference) and that Leonie had told him about me being in Anton's group. Later when Leonie came and I told her that I'd met Marc, she said that she had told him about "how much fun the joint lab-meetings [progress-reports] are because of [my] contributions". Wow! That was nice to hear!!

We have been having weekly joint progress reports with her group since more than a month, and from this week we started an alternate-weekly joint Epigenetics Journal Club as well. It is true that right from the beginning, I have been liberal with my questions and comments in our own progress reports, and apart from Anton, I probably am the most vocal in these. Now that we have them with her group, I continue my barrage of questions, comments and interruptions because in our group I am the most familiar with their area of research as it was my own during my PhD.

Nevertheless, I was quite taken aback by her compliment and also that she had actually told this even to Marc so that he knew all about me!


In a related development, during the Epigenetics Journal Club today, she jokingly suggested that I participate in their Polycomb Journal Club, and I did sign up. It'll take up quite a bit of my time, but I think it will be very useful and I'll enjoy it. But it starts at 9am every wednesday, so I have to be in the institute well before that...

Read More...

Summary only...